Cheating Partners Signs

You have a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach, something is not right but you can't quite figure out what that feeling is about. Your spouse has become distant, he/she is working late on a regular basis or, maybe your spouse has moved out of the house with no explanation.You suspect your spouse is cheating but every time you bring it up with your spouse, he/she denies the possibility. All the signs are there but you don't have any proof. So, pay attention to the signs and your instinct but, be careful not to confuse signs with proof. 

1) "I love you but I'm not in love with you."

If you hear these words, a big warning bell should go off. This is one of the most consistent things a cheating spouse will say. Your spouse may have a deep, loving bond with you but, intense feelings of passion can override the bond with you and cause your spouse to lose sight of his/her true feelings.The cheating spouse will develop what is called hormone - induced amnesia. The surging hormones and passion they feel in their new relationship can cause some very skewed thinking.This is what happens in many relationships that fall victim to infidelity. The spouse who strays has spent years investing time, emotion and energy in the marriage. They may feel that no matter what they do, they cannot or, are not getting what they feel they need from the relationship.They lack the skills to do something different, something that might work in their favor and finally get them what they need from the relationship. They get stuck in a negative place.People who are stuck can see no way out, they view their problems as permanent and many times think the only way to get unstuck is to turn to someone else. A new relationship is a great way to distract themselves from the problems in a marriage.You are suddenly unstuck and enjoying the lust and passion that comes with a new found relationship. All of a sudden, they are getting everything they need from another man or woman. After years of not getting their needs met in the marriage, this can be a huge relief.If you are reading this article and are someone who has found relief in a relationship with someone other than your spouse, I have something I want you to do.Before you destroy your marriage and family by leaving for another person, I want you to think about what you are really feeling. Don’t use the new relationship as a distraction to keep you from being honest with yourself and your spouse. If you are a cheating spouse make sure that one of the problems below is not causing you to throw your marriage away just to keep from having to deal with them open and honestly.Do you feel your spouse is…

  • Controlling
  • Dismissive of your feelings.
  • Is financially irresponsible
  • Not spending enough time with the family.
  • Rejecting you sexually.
  • Working too much.
  • Not working with you as a couple to make the marriage better.

Whatever you feel the problems are in your marriage you owe it to yourself and your spouse to get honest with him/her. It may not be easy, it may be painful for your spouse but it is the only way to solve problems because the “I love you but I’m not in love with you,” statement is a sign that something is wrong in the marriage. You may find that after you open up to your spouse that you are playing a role in your own unhappiness.If you are reading this article and your spouse has said, I love you but I’m not in love with you, then view it as an opportunity to open up to your spouse about how you feel in the relationship. When hearing such a statement it is easy to become panicked, to go on the defensive and react in a negative way. You need to not only say what is on your mind but to also listen to what your spouse has to say.It is important for both spouses to try to see it from the perspective of the other spouse. You may think you’ve been an outstanding wife or husband. Your spouse may have another opinion. If you are willing to listen openly, you may find that you have fallen short. That there are things your spouse needs from you that you have not given.The only way to know if the “I love you but I’m not in love with you statement,” is coming from someone who is stuck or someone who truly is no longer in love is to be willing to explore the problems in the marriage and take responsibility for your part in the problems. If, after doing this, the marriage still fails you can both move on knowing you tried to work through the problems. You will have both grown and learned from the situation and hopefully won’t take the same issues into a new relationship 

2) "We are just friends."

This is very predictable statement that will come from a cheating spouse. If your spouse is spending more and more time with this new “friend” then there is probably more to it than mere friendship. Your spouse may feel they have a lot in common with this person, that this person understands them and things they are going through. Whatever the reasons for the friendship, it’s a big warning sign and one you should take seriously.I received an email from a husband whose wife had accused him of cheating. He ask this question, “what would a spouse who is not cheating say about a friendship? If they really are just friends, what would he say?” According to him, his wife found this article and now has “confirmed” in her mind that he is cheating because he has female friends. He does not love them, He does not sleep with them, He does not even touch them, but they are friends and he has told his wife this.Here is this man’s problem. His wife is evidently uncomfortable with the fact that he has female friends. For whatever reason, in her mind she does not feel that it is proper. She feels threatened by the fact that he has female friends. Instead of getting upset and defensive, why doesn’t this man try to find out why she feels so threatened by the idea that he has female friends?I see nothing wrong with having friends of the opposite sex.I do see something wrong with dismissing your spouse’s feelings about the issue though. Your friendship with members of the opposite sex may be platonic and harmless, in your opinion. When you are married, your spouse’s opinion should be taken into consideration also.When does friendship cross the line and become more than “just friends?”

  • When you discuss your marital problems with your friend.
  • When you keep your relationship with your friend a secret.
  • When you begin to feel an attraction toward your friend.
  • When you turn to your friend with a problem instead of your wife.
  • When you exclude your wife from your relationship with your friend.
  • When you would rather spend time with your friend than your spouse.
  • When you think your friend understands you better than your spouse.

If you are reading this article, you are an adult, more than likely. If so, you have the common sense to know when a friendship has crossed the line and becomes more than “just friends.” You may be able to deny it to yourself but your spouse will be able to sense that there is a problem.If you have friendships with members of the opposite sex and want to put your spouse at ease about those friendships then make sure your spouse is a part of the relationships. It may sound antiquated but, when married, friendships should be shared. They should involve you and your spouse both. If for some reason you don’t feel a need to make your spouse a part of the friendship you need to question what your true objective is for maintaining the friendship. 

3) A sudden need for privacy.

If things the two of you used to share openly suddenly become private pay attention because something is probably up and it could be an affair. Your spouse may start password protecting computer activity. Cell phone and credit card bills may be hidden. If you ask why or attempt to find out information that used to be common knowledge between the two of you, you will be accused of snooping or trying to control your spouse.

Big warning sign!A spouse involved in an affair will normally start keeping secrets, secrets that he/she once shared with you. If you are sending flowers to the other woman or buying gifts for the other man, you no longer want your spouse reading the credit card statement at the end of the month.Is your spouse all of a sudden leaving the room when his/her cell phone rings? Have you always been privy to phone conversations but are now wondering what is being said and to whom?Maybe your spouse used to leave his/her cell phone lying around but has now started keeping it on them at all times. A spouse who is having an affair will do this to keep the wife/husband from checking any incoming or outgoing calls. If your spouse has suddenly become protective of his/her cell phone, you have reason to wonder why. 

4) "I need some space to figure out my feelings."

Janet’s husband Daniel had begun to behave strangely. For their entire marriage, he had been attentive and loving. Suddenly Daniel worked late every night, went out on weekends alone and told Janet that he needed “space.”Janet couldn't understand why he was choosing to spend time on the computer instead of with the family and distancing himself from everything she thought was once important to him. Janet’s first thought was mid life crisis. She researched the subject and sure enough, Daniel seemed to have all the symptoms. He paid more attention to his looks, had withdrawn from her emotionally and intimately, he seemed agitated when home and "needed his space."Janet responded to her husband’s midlife crisis in the best possible way. She made changes in her own behavior, she stayed busy with her own life, she accepted that there was nothing she could do to help her husband and she practiced patients. In her mind, if she waited he would recover and she would soon have her husband back.When asked if she thought Daniel could be cheating with another woman she was offended. “Not my Daniel, his character would never allow him to be unfaithful.” Janet was failing to pay attention to a red flag…the need for space by a cheating spouse.When a man or woman is involved with someone other than their spouse they need space and time away from the spouse to carry on the affair.One of the most blaring signs of a cheating spouse is one who needs his/her “space.” Below are a few tail-tail signs that your spouse may be cheating.

  • Your spouse begins to work late hours
  • Your spouse plans activities that do not include you
  • Your spouse suddenly takes vacations alone
  • Your spouse withdraws emotionally and intimately
  • Your spouse questions their feelings for you

Within two months Daniel had gone from working late at the office to renting an apartment and needing “space to figure out his feelings” for Janet. As it turned out, Daniel needed so much space he had to leave the marital home. His marital affair had turned into an addiction, one that endangered his marriage and all he and Janet had worked together to build. He had now completely checked out of the marriage!At that point, Janet had two options. She could file for divorce or become even more patient and hope that Daniel’s affair would run its course and he would come to his senses before doing too much damage.A tip for you readers; if your spouse is having an affair the best thing you can do is see a divorce attorney and take steps to protect yourself legally and financially. I'm not encouraging anyone file for a divorce but, getting a good understanding of where you stand legally should it come to divorce is in your own best interest.If your spouse realizes he/she is making a mistake they are going to want to come home whether talked to a divorce attorney or, you’ve filed for divorce. A petition for divorce can always be withdrawn. Marital assets depleted by a spouse who is having an affair cannot be recovered though. 

5) Regular work habits change.

Working late is a great cover for a spouse who is having an affair. If your spouse suddenly has to work late after years of coming home at a certain time then I would say it is safe to be suspicious that something other than work is going on.Work related excuses are a good way to account for large blocks of time away from home. They may tell you they are burning the midnight oil when in fact they are working between the sheets with the other man/other woman.Below are some behaviors that should cause you to pay attention to what is going on in your marriage.

  • If your spouse’s work routine changes after years of the "same old, same old." Unless he/she has a new job or a new position in their old job this is a huge red flag.
  • If your spouse is suddenly working on projects that take him/her out of town for the weekend you may want to volunteer to go with him/her. If he/she isn’t open to that suggestion then more than likely they already have someone to share that work weekend with.
  • If you spouse starts talking about a co-working of the opposite sex it pays to pay attention to what is being said. What can start out as an innocent relationship with a co-working can blossom into something unhealthy. You will be able to tell by what is said the direction his/her relationship with the co-worker is headed. There is no harm in letting your spouse know you are not happy that he/she has become close to a member of the opposite sex at work.

When it comes to figuring out whether your spouse is cheating all you need is your own sense of intuition. No one knows your spouse and their work habits better than you. If something changes with those habits, it doesn’t necessarily mean an affair but it does mean you need to pay attention and find out exactly what is happening and whether or not it is detrimental to your marriage. 

6) Spending a large amount of time on the computer.

In today’s world, with modern technology, a person looking for an affair doesn’t even have to leave their home. The ease of internet chat rooms, online dating sites and secret email accounts has caused an alarming increase in emotional affairs.If your spouse is online more than usual, hanging out in chat rooms and visiting pornographic websites then you have reason to be alarmed. 

7) Secretive phone calls and more time spent on the phone.

Emotional affairs occur primarily via the phone, especially cell phones. If you find your spouse hanging up suddenly when you enter the room or erasing the history on the cell phone and becoming defensive when asked about it, then you might want to check your phone records. 

8) Behavior that just doesn't add up.

How can you tell if your spouse is cheating? If your spouse is having an affair, his/her behaviors will change.What was once normal behavior will be replaced by behaviors in your spouse that you are not used to seeing.Not all behavior changes indicate your spouse is cheating but, it pays to pay attention and if you are suspicious dig deep into why your spouse is acting so strangely.  

9) Your Own fears and suspicions

If you find yourself looking for excuses for your cheating partners behavior or trying to convince yourself that they would never cheat then that is a cheating partners signs.Your intuition is frequently one of the best indicators that something is wrong. If you suspect your spouse might be cheating on you, do some investigating and then talk to him/her about what you've found. Do it in a way that is calm and courteous. Ask for honesty. Be prepared for lies.It is a sad fact that people having affairs become excellent liars. People who never told a lie before in their lives. Trust your gut instinct but get hard, cold proof also and get it all on video surveillance.